TOPIC:

A Newfoundlander walks into a bar in Halifax, orders three drafts of the local and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a draft goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Newfoundlander replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Toronto, the other is in Boston, and I'm here in Halifax. When we all left home we promised that we'd drink this way to emember the days we drank together. So I drink one for each o'me brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.

The Newfoundlander becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints.

All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The Newfoundlander looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs, "Oh, no, everybody's just fine." He explains. "It's just that my wife had us join the Pentecostal Church and I had to quit drinking.

Hasn't affected me brothers though."

A priest is checking into a hotel.

While giving his details he says to the hotel clerk "I trust that the Porn Channel in my room will be disabled?"

The Clerk replies, "no sir, just regular porn you sick fucker!"

HEHEHE,

Two cats hijack a plane, they tell the pilots "Take us to the Canaries"

What's a Catholic priest & a pint of stout got in common?
Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one.

some of them arent beer related...you'll have to start another thread for that <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt="" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->

Two fellas (we'll call them paddy and johnny) are in a typical irish town...there are ten pubs and a butcher shop (and a post office - but that doesnt apply to this joke). They're dying to go on a session.
Between them they only have bare scrapings of change ...about 50 cents.
Paddy says i can get us a drink in every pub and we'll only spend this 50 cents.
So paddy goes off to the butcher and comes back with a single sausage.
In they go to the 1st pub, paddy orders 2 pints, the barman puts them up, and as he turns to go to the till, the 2 boys skull the pints, paddy puts the sausage out the fly of his trousers and grabs johnnies head down and makes him suck the sausage.
The barman turns back to request payment, sees what the boys are up to, he thinks johnny's suckin paddy off and turfs them out...
The boys repeat the process for about the 5 or 6 pubs, and they're well on at this stage. Johnny turns around to paddy as they're about to go into the next pub n he says "jaysus paddy that was a great idea, it was well worth sucking that sausage".
Paddy says "oh yeah the sausage... I lost that after pub 2 and had to improvise".

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them accidentally shoots his friend. In a panic, he whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "Ive shot my friend! I think he's dead! What do I do? What do I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, are you sure he's dead?" The hunter responds "I don't know, I don't know, he's bleeding and not talking or moving!"
"Well, can you make sure he's dead?" There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"