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"oconn":3i5m3ajy wrote: a short one..

this baby seal walks into a bar ![/quote:3i5m3ajy]

Oh and down with this sort of thing.
Careful now.

Barman working at a bar sees a duck come in around lunch time. His bemusement turns to shock when the duck asks him for a pint and a sandwich. He pours the pint and serves the sandwich while the duck sits at the bar reading the paper. This happens every lunch time for a week until the barman picks up the courage to say something. "Your a duck" he says. The duck looks at him wryly. "I know" he replies. "But you can talk" says the barman. "Well aren't you the clever one" the duck says. "But what are you doing here" the barman the asked. "I'm a plasterer working over at the site across the road. Now, where's my sandwich?" the duck replied. He then picks up his paper to end the conversation.

Later on that evening the barman spots the ringmaster from the circus that just pulled into town that day. When he serves him his pint he asks him how the shows going. "Not too bad" replies the ringmaster. "I think I know a good act for your circus" the barman then blurts out. "Go on" the ringmaster replied cautiously, to which the barman relays him the story about the talking duck. The ringmaster listens to the barmans story with growing amazement. "Unreal" he says after the barman finishes. "You mean you'd be interested in the duck" the barman asks, plesaed with himself. "Absolutely" came the eager reply.

The next day the barman waited excitedly for the duck to arrive in. Right on time at five past one the duck walked in with the paper and asked for a pint and sandwich. The barman served him and excitedly said "I think I might know of somme work for you". To this the ducks ears picked up "I'm always on the lookout for the next job, what is it?" he says. "Its in the circus" the barman says. At this the duck looks disappointingly back at his paper "What the fuck do they want a plasterer for?"

Scientists reckon that beer contains female hormones.

I think they are right because after ten pints I talk rubbish and can't drive.

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts."

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's going to start."

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quick, another beer before it starts."

"That's it!" She blows her top, "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?"

The husband sighed. "Too late, it's started."

Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women.

Females are using a date rape drug called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men.

This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them.

Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "Beers" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex, a simple approach that renders most men helpless. After several, "Beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women.

Often, men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened. Some reall unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "A relationship."

In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "Marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam once "Beer" is administered.

If you, or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured: male support groups exist in every major city, where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest to you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Football grounds."

"kev2403":1kvechvi wrote: HEHEHE,

Two cats hijack a plane, they tell the pilots "Take us to the Canaries"[/quote:1kvechvi]

the Canaries are named after dogs